Illiterate? Write her for help

This is what insomnia will do to a person. I have spent the last hour listening to every version of You Are My Sunshine ever made. And (no really), I think I'm about a third of the way through the iTunes Store list.

Don't ask.

OK. So I've been sick for the past week with some nasty bug I just can't seem to shake. Among things I've learned are "how to make a 6 fl oz bottle of Vick's last a week because the next time you step into the cold, you might congeal, and it's just not worth it" and "how to walk really quickly on glare ice without fear of falling and re-breaking your hip". Or maybe the wind just numbs my mind to the fear of falling.

Anyway, desiring some much-needed rest before work tomorrow morning, I decided, "Ah-ha. I shall download a soothing playlist to relax my mind and help me fall asleep."

So right after Somewhere Over the Rainbow (don't ask), the second song that pops in my head is You Are My Sunshine. I don't know why, but it reminds me of somebody, and it's been in my head the past couple of days. So I type it in on the iTunes search bar and somewhere close to 3,000 versions of the song pop up.

So I figure, I'll probably find a version I like in the first 20 or so. Right? Number five on the list is Johnny Cash, and it's pretty hard to beat "The Man in Black", but something about his rendition doesn't seem right. Too twangy, maybe.

Maybe, I heard a version of it in some movie once and that's the one that's stuck in my head and won't let me settle on a rendition. (I'm thinking out loud at this point.) So now I'm going down the list, listening to snippets of each and every version that ever was made.

You've got country, folk, blues, R&B, ska, rock, techno, pop, children's music, and an awful lot of jazz. OK, passed through the first 150 versions. Can't find one that really grabs me.

I mean, I've listened to Frank Sinatra, Aretha Franklin, Willie Nelson, Ray Charles, Gene Autry, Jerry Lee Lewis, Frankie Yankovic, even "The Velvet Fog". That's Mel Torme to you kids.

But none of them is grabbing me right now. I just listened to a version, believe-it-or-not, by Don Dispo & Whattaman. Yeah. THE Don Dispo & Whattaman throwing down the "Partypower Mix".  I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

And for a song that has been recorded for an awful lot of children's albums, it sure is kind of depressing if you really listen to it.

OK. I give up. Three-hundred versions is enough. I ain't built for this. I'm either going Cash or Carly Simon.

Whew. Two songs just about loaded onto my "Cure for Insomnia" playlist. Ten to go.

It's going to be a long night.

See you in February.

I just noticed my headline says "her". It's supposed to read "here". But if any of those unfortunates need help, they're probably better off writing her anyway. So I'm going to leave it the way it is.

Randomness

I love Chuck Klosterman. He's an erstwhile pop culture writer who moonlights for ESPN.com. He has an all-too perfect story about how the Patriots would actually increase their immortality by losing in Super Bowl XLII next Sunday. Frankly, I see his point. Not that I want it to happen. I want my homeboy Randy Moss to get his ring. And I still have that nasty man-crush on Tom Brady. I want the greatest team of my lifetime to finish the job. And 19-0 has such a nice ring to it.

Going to the Virginia/MI-B vs. Eveleth-Gilbert/Mesabi East boys hockey game tonight. Although the first meeting was heavily-weighted in the Blue Devils' favor, this is always such a fun rivalry.

The Minnesota Wild closed out their pre-All-Star Game schedule with a hard-fought 3-2 victory at Colorado last night, improving to 20-0 in games they've led entering the third period this season. Pretty heady stuff for the Wild, who are alone atop the Northwest Division.

The Minnesota Timberwolves (yes, they are still a team) have won two in a row (yes, that sound you hear is hell freezing over) heading into tonight's game against KG and the Celtics. Don't expect a trifecta.

 

Eerie predictation

I would just like to point out that I had a pretty decent weekend predicting the NFL Divisional Playoffs.

Prediction: Green Bay 24, Seattle 20.

Actual: Green Bay 42, Seattle 20.

Analysis: This one's easy. My dyslexia got the better of me. Would have been fun to play in that though. Always fun in the snow.

 

Prediction: New England 31, Jacksonville 28.

Actual: New England 31, Jacksonville 20.

Analysis: I overcompensated for my irrational fear of the Jags. I have no qualms now. It's gonna be 19-0.

 

Prediction: San Diego 27, Indianapolis 24.

Actual: San Diego 28, Indianapolis 24.

Analysis: I almost nailed this one outright. But if you would have told me the Colts were going to lose with LT on the sidelines and Billy Volek at QB for the Bolts and with the officials in their pocket, I'd have laughed in your face.

 

Prediction: Dallas 34, New York 23.

Actual: New York 21, Dallas 17.

Analysis: I had an eerie feeling about this one. But I wanted the Cowboys to win (they're way more interesting than the Giants, and I you gotta love Minnesota's own Marion Barber III), and they had their chances. And if you think Jessica Simpson had anything to do with the loss, you, my friend are an idiot!

 

All-in-all, it was a great weekend of football. I'm not even going to discuss Tom Brady's unfathomable 26-for-28 dissection of the Jags, because I might start drooling.

Oops. Too late…

The marrying kind of twins and have you seen Candice?

And I thought stuff like this only happened in West Virginia

(I can say that because I was born there.)

Check out this story about a set of British twins who were separated at birth and adopted by different parents. They met later in life, felt an inevitable attraction and were wed.

All I can say is: Wow, what are the odds?

Woot, woot!

This is my new favorite web site. The sell just one product a day until it is sold out. No more, no less. And the prices are dirt-cheap. Ingenius, I tell you. Make sure you check out their t-shirt design site as well. Clever, very clever.

Wherefore art thou, Nico?

Catch up with Nico Sacchetti, the erstwhile Virginia/MI-B hockey star who was drafted in the second round by the Dallas Stars last summer. Sacchetti is skating with the Omaha Lancers this season and next year will don a University of Minnesota sweater.

Have you seen my wife?

So I was bored last night and made up a t-shirt commemorating my search for my long-lost wife. If you're interested in buying one (haha), e-mail me. I need at least five other buyers (you have to order them by at least the half-dozen).

Obviously, I have too much time on my hands.

Fear the Jaguars

I must say I'm a little nervous about the Patriots-Jaguars game at the Big Razor (Gillette Stadium) in Foxboro Saturday night.

Because if there's a game the Patriots have a chance to lose this glorious season, it's against the Jags.

I said this four weeks ago. If there is a team out there that matches up well with New England, it's Jacksonville. If there's a team that could spoil history, it's the Jaguars.

Here's why:

1. Underrated and Hyphenated. Yes, Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew. Jacksonville's one-two punch at running back. Taylor is the most overlooked star of his generation. Despite the fact that he is 17^th all-time in yards rushing with over 10,000 in his career, Taylor never has been voted onto the Pro Bowl team (the only player in the top 49 rushing all-time never to make it). And Jones-Drew, the "Pocket Rocket", is a threat to bust open a big play any time, just as he did last week against Pittsburgh in the Jaguars' wild 31-29 victory. New England's fourth-ranked run defense will be sorely tested by this duo.
   
2. Lack of respect. The Patriots boast eight Pro Bowlers. Jacksonville, despite going 11-5 in the toughest division in football, the AFC South, has none. (OK, one, after Taylor was added to the roster as an injury replacement.) Coach Jack Del Rio might mention that to his team before the game. They might be fired up.
   
3. Mistake-free football. Jacksonville quarterback David Garrard threw just three interceptions all season. The Jaguars protect the ball. They don't beat themselves.
   
4. Mike Tice. If any coach in the league knows Randy Moss, it's Tice, who coached him for years in Minnesota. Tice just might have a few suggestions on how to slow down the Freak.
   
5. An inevitable letdown. It might be very slight, but there's just got to be a little slippage with the Patriots after completing a 16-0 (whew!) season. I just don't see a letdown happening after this week (in the AFC Championship or the Super Bowl).
   
6. Nothing to lose. The Jaguars can be the team to cost the Patriots their legacy as "the greatest team ever" which they will be considered should they hoist the Lombardi Trophy at 19-0.
   

Now I'm not saying the Patriots are going to lose. It's just the first game all season I've been a little nervous about. In the end though, Tom Brady's coolness under fire keeps the Patriots perfect.

New England 31, Jacksonville 28

On to the other games:

LaDainian Tomlinson runs wild. Peyton Manning throws a crucial interception late.

San Diego 27, Indianapolis 24

T.O. ain't healthy. It doesn't matter. Tony Romo outplays Eli Manning.

Dallas 34, New York 23

Brett Favre and Matt Hasselback will be slinging. The old fella survives.

Green Bay 24, Seattle 20

But as past experience shows, don't listen to me. Just watch the games.

Fallen angels and silver linings: Sizing up 2007

Finally. The holidays are over. Life returns to quasi-normal. I have recovered from temporary insanity. (At least I hope it was temporary.)

2007 was not a good year in sports in this guy's household. Or maybe it was. I haven't decided yet. Well let's figure this out.

We'll go with the bad news first.

The Fallen Angels: (Not that any of these were previously uplifted angels. It's the name of my blog. Work with me people.)

• Mike Vick. He electrocuted and hung dogs. I have two dogs, KG and MJ, whom I love very much. Let's just say I don't approve. I only wish my level of revulsion was higher.
  
• Torii Hunter. OK, he's not fallen, but he is now an Angel.
  
• Marion Jones. Such a beautiful, charismatic girl. Such a phenomenal athlete. I so wanted to believe that those five golds in Sydney were legit.
  
• Roger Clemens.
  I so don't believe your denials. There's plausible deniability. This ain't it.
  
• Tim Brewster.
  He came in talking about bringing Gopher Nation to Pasadena. That Rose Bowl turf he brought in as a reminder of that goal sure withered fast during the worst season in Gopher football history. 1-11? Seriously? 1-11!
  
• Brad Childress.
  As I recall, Mike Tice, who was undercut by a tightfisted owner with both his roster and his coaching staff, went 9-7 two years ago and won a playoff game at Lambeau Field the year before that. Congratulations, Major Dad. With a major upgrade on defense and the best rookie running back since, oh, Eric Dickerson, you guided the Vikings to a level of competence and mediocrity a notch below your hamstrung predecessor.
  
• Kevin McHale.
  Well, at least he didn't give away KG. He got 20 cents on the dollar!
  
• Carl Pohlad. Can't blame him for not spending any more money on payroll. He's not getting a brand-new, state-of-the-art, taxpayer-funded ballpark in 2010.
  
• Barry Bonds*.
  
• Floyd Landis. I really wanna believe you Floyd. And it's not just because I'm predisposed to distrust the French.
  
• Tim Donaghy. As if enough people didn't already think the NBA was fixed. A ref betting on the games is great for the integrity of the game. (Meeting in the Commish's office, circa 1995. "Hmm, we got the Pacers and the Knicks in the Eastern Conference Finals. Well, boys, you know what to do. … If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere. New York, New York!) Not that I'm bitter or anything.
  
• The BCS. Who out there wouldn't have liked to see Georgia or USC (the two hottest teams in the country right now) have a shot at the title? Nah, a playoff system won't work! My only consolation is if I live to see 80 (and I won't), there's a 1.5-percent chance that I'll see a college football playoff in my lifetime.
  
• Brad May. That blindside sucker punch of mild-mannered Swede Kim Johnsson in last year's Stanley Cup playoffs was unconscionable. I hope you have nightmares of the Boogeyman, because he's coming to get you, you thug.
  

The Silver Linings:

• Matt Niskanen. It's been a long time since a Ranger made it big time. It's been fun to watch a kid I covered extensively in hockey, football and baseball, succeed at the highest level. And he's a good kid, too. All the better. Looking forward to watching him play the Wild tonight.
  
• Randy Moss and Tom Brady. My favorite hook-up since Brangelina. (Just kidding.) But goodness are they, as my buddy J.J. would say, "Fun to watch!" You couldn't have scripted it any better Saturday. Trailing 28-23 to the Giants with their perfect season on the line, Brady unloads a bomb to a streaking Moss for a 65-yard touchdown. Not only does the play lead to a 16-0 record, but also the TD pass is Brady's 50^th and the TD catch is Moss' 23^rd of the season, both NFL records. I just got goose bumps on my goose bumps.
  
• Adrian Peterson. All Day.
  
• Kevin Garnett.
  As much as it hurt to see him go, KG's finally found his happy place. The Celtics are 27-3! Good gracious. Here's to KG hoisting a championship trophy at the end of this season. Da Franchise deserves it.
  
• Marion Gaborik. Five goals in a game. What a talent. Now if he can just stay healthy…
  
• Reggie Miller. As much as I would have loved to see you come back and play the Smiling Assassin off the bench and win a ring with KG, you'll always be a Pacer. I guess I can live with that. (Then again, why didn't you come back? Whyyyyy?)
  
• The Ohio State University. This inclusion is just for my buddy Super Dave. Then again, reaching the national championship game in a rebuilding year is nothing to sniff at. Especially after Florida smoked 'em in last year's title game. (Sorry, Dave. Couldn't resist.)
  
• Marion Barber III. He's 1B to Laurence Maroney's 1A as my favorite Gopher of all time. Most ferocious running back in the NFL.
  
• Virginia golf and BEST baseball. The Devils ran away with the state championship in boys' golf while Casey Hill won an individual crown. And my alma mater (Babbitt-Embarrass) made me proud with a state trip of their own.
  
• Virginia basketball. The boys and girls are a combined 18-0 this season. Must be that Blue Pride. Or something in the water.
  

I'm sure I'm forgetting a fallen angel here and a silver lining there, but then again 2007 wasn't exactly my bread-and-butter year. All in all, I think it comes out a wash. Well, better than a wash since I am the quintessential eternal optimist.

I always look for the silver lining. Cuz I'm Mr. Brightside.