Illiterate? Write her for help

This is what insomnia will do to a person. I have spent the last hour listening to every version of You Are My Sunshine ever made. And (no really), I think I'm about a third of the way through the iTunes Store list.

Don't ask.

OK. So I've been sick for the past week with some nasty bug I just can't seem to shake. Among things I've learned are "how to make a 6 fl oz bottle of Vick's last a week because the next time you step into the cold, you might congeal, and it's just not worth it" and "how to walk really quickly on glare ice without fear of falling and re-breaking your hip". Or maybe the wind just numbs my mind to the fear of falling.

Anyway, desiring some much-needed rest before work tomorrow morning, I decided, "Ah-ha. I shall download a soothing playlist to relax my mind and help me fall asleep."

So right after Somewhere Over the Rainbow (don't ask), the second song that pops in my head is You Are My Sunshine. I don't know why, but it reminds me of somebody, and it's been in my head the past couple of days. So I type it in on the iTunes search bar and somewhere close to 3,000 versions of the song pop up.

So I figure, I'll probably find a version I like in the first 20 or so. Right? Number five on the list is Johnny Cash, and it's pretty hard to beat "The Man in Black", but something about his rendition doesn't seem right. Too twangy, maybe.

Maybe, I heard a version of it in some movie once and that's the one that's stuck in my head and won't let me settle on a rendition. (I'm thinking out loud at this point.) So now I'm going down the list, listening to snippets of each and every version that ever was made.

You've got country, folk, blues, R&B, ska, rock, techno, pop, children's music, and an awful lot of jazz. OK, passed through the first 150 versions. Can't find one that really grabs me.

I mean, I've listened to Frank Sinatra, Aretha Franklin, Willie Nelson, Ray Charles, Gene Autry, Jerry Lee Lewis, Frankie Yankovic, even "The Velvet Fog". That's Mel Torme to you kids.

But none of them is grabbing me right now. I just listened to a version, believe-it-or-not, by Don Dispo & Whattaman. Yeah. THE Don Dispo & Whattaman throwing down the "Partypower Mix".  I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

And for a song that has been recorded for an awful lot of children's albums, it sure is kind of depressing if you really listen to it.

OK. I give up. Three-hundred versions is enough. I ain't built for this. I'm either going Cash or Carly Simon.

Whew. Two songs just about loaded onto my "Cure for Insomnia" playlist. Ten to go.

It's going to be a long night.

See you in February.

I just noticed my headline says "her". It's supposed to read "here". But if any of those unfortunates need help, they're probably better off writing her anyway. So I'm going to leave it the way it is.